And that's when the fight started……

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.

The next year, he didn’t buy her a gift. When she asked him why, he replied, “Well, you still haven’t used
the gift I bought you last year!”

And that’s when the fight started…..

—

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, ‘I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.’
The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.’

And that’s when the fight started…..

—

I asked my wife, ‘Where do you want to go for our anniversary?’
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
‘Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!’ she said.
So I suggested, ‘How about the kitchen?’

And that’s when the fight started….

—

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, ‘Do you want to have sex?’
‘No,’ she answered.
I then said, ‘Is that your final answer?’
She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying ‘Yes.’
So I said, ‘Then I’d like to phone a friend.’

And that’s when the fight started….

—

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95…. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And that’s when the fight started……

—

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
‘I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.’
He said, ‘Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?’
‘Nah, she can order for herself.’

And that’s when the fight started…..

—

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping the channels.
She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’
I said, ‘Dust.’

And that’s when the fight started……

—

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive…….
so, I took her to a gas station…

And that’s when the fight started……

—

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’
‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend…
I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.’
‘My God!’ says my wife, ‘who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’

And that’s when the fight started……

—

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn’t run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, playing golf. Always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.

I said, ‘When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.’

And that’s when the fight started……